My favorite facebook annoyances

I have a few pet peeves that I would like to get off of my chest. I have to warn you, I'm approaching that "time" of the months so this may come across crabby-er then usual.
Fine Print Disclaimer: I have done some, if not all of the following  peeves, but I have since realized how annoying they are, and have ceased all doing of such things.
For your viewing pleasure I have also organized them into categories, in case you would like to use them as a reference sometime later in your life. The truth is, if these are not habitual offenses it doesn't really bother me. Its the daily updates that seem to repeat themselves that can really ruffle my feathers.


Facebook Peeves: I have been told that I'm the "queen" of Facebook, hardly. 

The following are the friends that are just one click away from unfriendville.

The Ghost Whisperer- " It was 10 years ago I lost you mom, I miss you everyday, and love you"  First of all, why have a fictitious conversation with  a dead person. Do you think they have facebook in heaven?
The Ashton Kutcher- the person who finds the need to have 5001 friends which in my opinion is impossible.
The Debby Downer- "Wish the cats would do me a solid and let me sleep, but the antics have already begun..."
The Jillian Micheals- " Wow I just did 90 min. of cardio, plus yoga, plus an hour of weights and I can't wait to do it all over again "
The Socrates - " I don't know how much of this I can take" 
The Michael Scott-" I just got a frozen pizza and I'm going to watch the game will anyone join me" no comments or even likes. sad.
The Dr. Phil- " My husband is an ass hole and I want to leave him" 
The wallflower- " there are big tomatoes in my garden"
The Gang member/ 2pac friend- " Don't mess with me, I will cut a bitch" 
* yes, I have some of these..I should delete them but I'm afraid.
The Kate Gosslin friend "Genevieve took a big long poop today"
* ok, I may be guilty of this one. :)
The Billy Mays" host a _______  party, buy my stuff"
* this is just a modern day Avon lady.
The Historian- " It was 5 years ago today that my husband thought about asking me to marry him" or " It was 9 years ago today that my son lost their first tooth." If you are friends with these people for longer than a year, then they will repeat the same thing the following year.

And last but not least the ex boyfriend who broke my heart, not once, but twice, cheated on me, which took me years to recover, yet now he is my facebook friend and I get to see what he is up to! Let me point out, that this guy will never get married because he is, as Britany sang so brilliantly, Womanizer Womanizer.... Why don't I delete him?. I don't KNOW? I guess a part of me wants him to see that I came out even better and I have a hot husband and cute babies and just look what he missed out on. The truth is, he probably doesn't even look at my page and I should just click and delete him.

The stalker, the person who never updates status' or comments on anything, but you run into them in the store and they comment on things you posted and seem to know an alarming amount of things that have been going on in your life. 

Sayings:
I dislike the word pet peeves. But I use it anyway.

When people that you have been playing phone tag with, leave a voice mail and say "Tag! Your It!" Why say anything? Its 2010, I can see that you called.
Passing someone in the hallway and they say...."shall we dance?"
When someone says " knock on wood" and searches 2 minutes to find wood, only to knock on particle board.
I was in a meeting recently and someone said, " ok, lets put on our manager hat" and then we would have to take off our "manager hat" and put on our "everyday hat" and after awhile I was so damn confused I just wanted to throw my "hats" on the ground and step on them.
The word Gobbildey Gook.
When you call someone and they are so important that they just say their name.." JASON"  when they answer,  oh thanks for reminding me of whom I was calling, I think I knew your name when I found you in my address book and hit "call"

Actions
I have talked to several people that in conversation they will close their eyes. Its as if they don't want to see me looking at them or maybe they don't want to look at.... ME? Thats kind of depressing.

Wives who go to parties and corner you with 5 other angry wives and complain about their husbands. Who btw look like they are having a much better time on the other side of the room and when I decide to go over to the husbands "dark side" I'm now a hussy.

People who mimic typing when describing what they emailed.

Now that I have cleared the air, I need to put on my "working cap" and get down to business.