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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

What I really want for Christmas

This time of year I feel that my senses are overwhelmed with images, smells, music telling me what I should want for Christmas.  The truth is, I don't want people spending money on me.  Its a painstaking task to go through my closets, shelves and drawers bi-annually and donate all this "stuff" we have accumulated. Our house is pretty much to maximum capacity with things and I would like to simplify.   But if you are wondering what you could give me that would last a lifetime, please check my list.

Son #1- Hold my hand when we walk into a store. Now that you are 8, I know its just a matter of time when you will feel awkward doing it. So please just hold it a couple more times before you grow out of it.
Son #2- Do your loco dance even when I tell you to stop being silly. What you don't realize is that when I turn away I'm actually laughing.
Son # 3- Draw another picture with you and me on a field. Even though I have an enormous potato head, and I already have 130 of this same drawing, I know you will move on to drawing super heros soon. Also- keep coming into our room at night and sleeping on the floor, I find comfort in hearing your little snores.
Son #4 - Keep your word du' jour as Mama.  Even at 3 a.m. It feels good to be your first choice.
Husband-  Remember what it was about me that made you propose. Especially when I have gone completely off the deep end about the cereal bowl you left in the sink.
Graham: Keep guarding the house. And don't die.  I know you are going to be 12, but I have heard of labs living to be 16 or even 20.
Starbucks Lady-  Stop calling me hon.
Biological Clock -Please stop ticking. You were a great gift, but we both know its not possible anymore, so stop sounding your alarm me every time I see a baby.
Colleagues -  Send me another funny youtube video, its a welcome distraction and makes the day go by faster.
Neighbors:  Delete the images in your mind as to what you have seen when I have forgotten to close the blinds.
Nanny: Keep shutting the door before I hear my baby cry, that  simple gesture makes it just a little bit easier to leave him every day.

Boss: One day say that you are glad your hired me. Or at least imply it.  (I would also accept a salary increase).
My Bosses Boss: Please stop calling me by the wrong name.
Cleaning lady: If you could do our laundry and put it away too, I would be your personal PR person and get you more business than you could imagine.
Best Friend: Give me examples of what to wear. Your emails with complete outfits keep me from looking like a soccer mom.
Republicans:  Stop BS-ing.
Democrats: Stop BS- ing.
Body: Stay Healthy, and forgive me for insulting you or giving you a nasty look in the mirror. (If you want to become resistant to sag that would be ok too.)
Brain: A little bit more GB would be great.
Dad: Give me another one of your paintings.  Every day that I look at one on my wall, it inspires me to be creative.
Brother:  Make me another dirty martini....and  keep knowing when to cut me off before I start dancing on tables.
Sister:  Bottle your endurance to run marathons, and then give it to me.
Hot Guy in the suit: Give me a double take, it makes my day.
Skin: Stop with the zits already! I'm 34 for Gods sake.
Mom: Keep telling me I'm a good mom. Even though I brush it off like I don't care, I do.  And its your voice I hear when I feel like I'm not.

Yes, I know my list is written to some people who don't know me, or some that can't read  or are inanimate objects. That's ok. Someday you may be able to read it and you will know just what to get me, because trust me, it won't change.