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Tuesday, January 6, 2015

2 positives for every negative.

Personally, I don't like making resolutions. I tend to make ridiculously easy ones, so that I succeed, making myself feel better about something that I already do or have been doing for my entire life.
Kids will call you out though.   This year I wanted to include them to set goals for themselves and hold themselves accountable.  As we ate Chinese take out for dinner we went around the table sharing.

11 year old: I want to eat like an athlete, so my body will be a machine. (As he is biting into an egg roll.)
10 year old: To eat every sample at Costco twice and if they ask, I'll tell them it was my twin. (Aim high buddy.)
7 year old: I want to make a lego tower as tall as our house.  (I truly believe this is possible. In fact, make a replica of our house and we can store all the legos you already have.)
4 year old: Cookie.  (I'm pretty sure he missed the point of resolutions and was just saying what he wanted.)
Don:. To get more organized. Which is a really great goal and I support him 100% just like I have been for the past 13 years. Maybe this will be the year. 

When it got around to me, I said that I wanted to exercise and eat right. But this time when I spoke, the clouds opened up and I was actually heard. They called me out saying I do that anyway. It's true, for the most part.   They suggested that I do something challenging, like give up Starbucks or wine. I explained that I could only do that if I wasn't a mom with four sons, and there's no going back now.

I decided to think about it and told them I would let them know.  By that time the conversation had moved on to dessert, and nobody seemed to notice that I was eating my second cookie. (So much for eating right).
I decided to fold laundry in our bedroom and I passed the hallway mirror. This time my reflection caught my eye and it appeared that within 10 days of Christmas break I had gained a pound every day.  I turned to the side, turned to the other side, looked at my butt, looked at my gut and gave out a ick sound.

When I turned around all four of them were looking at me.

I was so embarrassed.  These boys have seen me at my worst. The. 3a.m. dragon breath tucking them back into bed mommy. The just home from a sweaty workout mommy.  The sick with bags under my eyes mommy. The bloated after just giving birth mommy. Yet, in every single picture they have drawn of me, I have big eye lashes, pink smiling lips and yellow hair.

Nothing sounds ugly about her that at all.

It reminds me of a photo my dad took of me when I was 7. I was standing in the back yard smelling a flower.  And by smell, I mean that it looked like I was trying to stick the flower up my nose. It is zoomed in and you can see the dirt under my nails,  and my wispy hair flying all over the place.  I always wondered what my parents liked about that photo. Just like the boys, they saw beauty in the imperfection, that I just couldn't.

Girls may be different, but not a single one of my sons has ever looked in the mirror and thought "eew".  When I tell them they look cute they usually say "I know".  They have the ability to overlook Nutella that has been stuck to their chin since breakfast.  Of course they are all adorable in my eyes, and they accept their appearance the way it is and are happy with it.

I can't imagine them saying the things that come out of my mouth when looking at their own reflection, and if I did, it would crush me.  In my eyes they are impossibly perfect, scars, Nutella and all.

Oscar asked me why I said "ick". Instead of  telling him the truth, I said I had cookie crumbs on my mouth.  "That's not icky" he said.  Come to think of it, nothing grossing these boys out.  I could have said I had a tick in my head and they would have thought it was cool.

I decided that I was going to spend this year trying to see myself as the boys do. Focusing on the beauty they see, that I seem to overlook on a daily basis.  Nothing is wrong with acknowledging what makes you beautiful, as hard as it may be.

I'm going to make an effort for every negative thing I come up with to counter it with two positives.  Since I don't want to spend the year staring in the mirror, I may stop the negative after awhile. I mean seriously, it is 2015, if the things I have been wishing looked different haven't by now, I might as well embrace my uniqueness right?

If I can find the beauty of everyone around me, I should be able to do the same for myself.

Here is to a beautiful 2015!

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