Blind Sided

This weekend we went to a corn maze and I lost my son.  We all went in together.  Even with my horrific sense of direction I came out the other side.  Ok, to be honest I was following my husband and 3 year old.  The older boys were off somewhere, but I could hear them.   Once Don emerged, he said he was going to take Oscar and get some hot cider while I waited for the other 3.  A few minutes past.  Jack came out.  Parker came out.  A few more minutest past, and we are still waiting for Fin. I sent Jack into get him.  After 5 more minutes I sent Parker in to get Jack.  It was getting very cold and starting to rain.  I felt the panic in my stomach but ignored it. Pretty soon Parker exits pulling Jack by the hood while Jack held on to a corn stalk hoping it would keep him in the maze.  Still not a sign of Fin.  By this time it was raining and my hands were ice chunks.  I called Fin's name over and over.  I eyeballed everyone exiting the corn maze, to see if they were smuggling a nine year old. I texted Don and I instructed the boys to go find their dad. . This isn't our first rodeo, we have lost a child before.  I decided to find him myself.  As I was blindly weaving inside the corn maze looking for a red jacket I began fearing the worst.  News crews. Helicopters.  My frantic soggy plea to help find my son who I lost in the corn.  My heart began to sink as it got darker and colder and now I was alone in the corn trying to find my way through on my own.  Then I imagined Don frantic and soggy talking to the news crew as he explained that he lost his wife and his son in the corn maze. Dateline running a story suggesting that he actually killed me and put me in the corn maze. Yes, I have a vivid imagination.

I managed to find my way out and ran to the barn to find Don.   As I found him I counted the bodies standing around him. One. Two. Three. Four.  I approached and he didn't seem to notice my soaked hair, pink frozen nose and fire in my eyes.  All I could say was. "Did you get my text? " He pulls his phone out of his pocket and decides to answer me. "Oh, Fin is with me."
Obviously, I can see that.   What I don't understand is why he thought I would be out in a corn maze by myself while he was in a warm barn drinking hot apple cider with all four of our boys.  Did he think I took this opportunity to take a stroll?  In addition to this conundrum, why didn't any of my son's mention that I thought we had lost their brother? Wasn't it Jack who suggested we call 911? How soon they forget when they are presented with something more interesting, like cider.

As you can imagine, on the ride home I was a little annoyed.   When I'm annoyed I want everyone else to know. Although Don is aware of this and choses to ignore my tantrum, my boys are oblivious. I began to wonder if anyone has ever listened to me in all the time I have been alive.  I'm pretty sure the answer is no.

When we got home I looked in the fridge and saw nothing.  When the boys are hungry I suddenly become the most popular person in the family.  "What is for dinner? I don't like that! I hate pizza!"  Even though we had been home for 3 minutes I picked up my purse and headed to the store.

As I angrily weaved through the aisles and I hear an old lady say "can someone help me?" I always get asked this, and I wanted to keep walking because I knew the wolves at home were hungry and they may eat the weakest one if they don't get food soon.

Apparently I was the only one in a mile radius that could hear her.  I approached the woman and asked what she needed.  She said she was looking for the cinnamon apple sauce.  I looked and I couldn't find it either.  I asked what brand, and she said she didn't care she just wanted the cinnamon kind.  I was about to give her the regular kind and direct her to the spice aisle, when I found it buried way back on the shelf.  I handed it to her and she thanked me and then told me  that she was diagnosed with macular degeneration and by Christmas she will be blind.  She went on to say that she battled liver cancer and overcame that, but this diagnosis has crushed her.  Her husband is gone, and her kids live far away. She said she didn't know if she would ever be able to actually see them again.   As she began to cry, so did I. Maybe it was my frustration from earlier, or that suddenly it felt so trivial, but there we stood in the applesauce section hugging and crying.  She said she had to hand in her resignation as a special needs teacher the next day because she didn't think she could do it without sight.

I was floored.  I wanted to take her around the store with me.  I asked her if she needed anything else and she said that I was a sweetheart and I had done more than enough. I dried my eyes and continued shopping.  I believe you walk into situations that you need.  When I got to the store I was feeling sorry for myself because I was lost in a corn maze and nobody cared, my husband didn't communicate with me and my kids ignore me until they are hungry.  All the things that I didn't appreciate about my day suddenly became irreplaceable.

She was the sweetheart, not me, little did she know I tried to ignore her. She she had done more than enough for me as well.  Karma gave me bitch slap.  Everything I have, the good, band and ugly is perfect, if I get over myself and take the time to look.  You never know when you might lose sight of the people you love most.