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Monday, January 24, 2011

Totally tubeular

This snowy Midwest morning I had the pleasure to take my 9 month in to have surgery to get tubes placed in his ears.  You could tell by the morale  in the house this morning that everyone was very concerned...I say this with the highest level of sarcasm and if a sarcasm font existed, it would be in bold.  Don was yelling about something, the middle boys were on the floor in front of the TV like murder crime scene bodies and my oldest had JUST remembered that he had homework this weekend.  I needed it get everyone to their destination by 7:30 and it was 7:24. Remarkably I did and pretty much everyone was fed. 
I arrived at the surgery center to find that if you were between the ages of 0-6 or 95 -100 you were having surgery that day. I filled out the paperwork that I had forgotten at home and waited.  I still amaze myself that I can hold a baby in an Eskimo coat, a diaper bag and a purse and still sign my name. 
 I couldn't help but notice a family of 5 who had taken over a portion of the waiting room and looked to be having a breakfast picnic from 7-11. Huge big gulp size sodas, crackers, donuts and board games.  The entire family was there, Mom, Dad and 3 boys. They called their name first but when the nurse witnessed the boy who was going in for surgery downing the last drop of his slurpee, she scolded the mother and said that because you are not allowed to have had ANYTHING to eat or drink at least 2 hours prior to any surgery, that they were going to have to wait at least 3 hours.  I whispered to Oscar..( dumb ass) seriously, though. Isn't that one of the things everyone knows, and if not, wasn't it in their paperwork?
While in the waiting room an old woman was giggling watching my baby, who she thought was a little girl. The admiration was mutual and Oscar was giggling watching her toothless grin as well.   It was actually pretty cute, and as much as they were enjoying each other, the nurse came back and called Oscar's name.  She was looking directly at an old man and when he didn't respond she walked over to him and said "Oscar".  I was trying to gather our things out of the chair when she finally noticed that the Oscar she was speaking to was just an old man who was hard of hearing.  Oscar 3.0 was right here and raring to go. 
Pre-op went well. I had been in the same surgery center to have my sinus surgery a month prior and apparently my Oprah vacation celebratory status was still alive. Everyone, including the doctor wanted to hear about it. 
There is a time and place, and I was really not in the mood to gush on about a trip that happened over a month ago and right before my baby was to get tubes in his ears. But I humored them. I guess its a big deal for someone from the Midwest to be chosen to go on a trip to Australia..even though Oprah is based out of the Chicago.
Oscar was hanging in there although, he hadn't eaten or drank since 2:30 a.m.  (I follow instructions). It wasn't until he heard the word suppository that he lost his composure. 
It was hard to hand over a screaming baby (and his little monkey) to a nurse in full scrubs. They escorted me to a waiting room and before I could text everyone that he had gone into surgery, he was out.
The doctor told me that he would be a little "cranky", coming out of anesthesia, but I had no idea he would be hulk baby.  In my poetic mind I thought he would be in a hospital bed sleeping peacefully and the sound of my voice would gently wake him up.. not so much.
A large black woman was holding him against her large breast trying to calm him and rock him but his face was a dark shade of fuchsia and he was livid.  Kicking, screaming and completely disoriented.   She eagerly handed me Oscar and said " did you talk to Oprah?" REALLY?
What made that a good time to ask me that question? I shook my head no, to avoid any additional questions and tried to rock him (unsuccessfully) back to sleep.  After about 30 minutes he calmed down enough for me to get him dressed, sign more papers and get in the car and drive to Starbucks.  You know how some people call themselves angry drunks when they drink Jack Daniels, or rum? I wonder if Oscar is going to be one of those people. 
He really must have some serious hang ups that have accumulated in his 9 months on this Earth... when Similac recalled their products, I know it hit him pretty hard. 
Once in the car and he heard the familiar sounds of the Bob and Tom Show, he calmed down considerably, enough so that we could go to the pharmacy to get his ear drops AND get mama a latte.
He is sleeping soundly now, allowing me to blog.  Hopefully dreaming that tonight we will all be able to sleep through the night, as nature intended. 

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