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Monday, March 21, 2011

The day I became a mother

My oldest is having his eighth birthday soon, and as excited as I am to have another cake in our house that I can sneak eat after everyone goes to bed, I have also been reflecting on how my life has changed since that day.  He proudly boasts to anyone who will listen that he is the only one of his brothers to come out of my vagina. The problem is, is that he doesn't even know what a vagina is, in fact, he thinks its just the feminine name for a woman's butt. He established this thought in the numerous times he had accompanied me in a handicapped stall as I hovered over the toilet. Even with strict instructions not touch anything he had no choice to visually explore, despite my efforts to tell him to focus on a ceiling light. I remember distinctly on a road trip when his awarness to this difference was loudly announced to the entire truck stop bathroom "ARE YOU PEEING OUT OF YOUR BUTT?! What is that? Is that your hianus? I don't know where the term hianus came from, but up until recently he thought that was the proper term.  Essentially, he thinks he came out of my butt, and I'm not ready to divulge any additional info.
I was 25.  We had been married for 1 year when I found out I was pregnant. I had always envisioned the moment I told my husband we were having a baby would be similar to the "I love Lucy" episode where she surprises Ricky at Club Babalu  and he sings "we're having a baby, my baby and me!!"  It was quite the opposite. I took a pregnancy test. It came out positive. I took the second one immediately following and shockingly it had the same result, 2 bright pink lines.  There wasn't the warm feeling I would have in future pregnancies. It was a little bit more of a sheer panic. I went to visit Don at work, in retrospect not the best place to share the news, but I was not going to freak out by myself.  He was alone at his desk when I told him. He pretty much had the same reaction as I did, except he said. "Um..." and that was about it.
Not like this should have been a surprise, or not welcomed, we had been married for over a year now. It still was not easy to comprehend.  I remember calling my gynocologist immediatly, when asked if it was an emergency I said yes, they asked what it was, and when I explained that I was pregnant, they didn't classify it as an emergency and said to call back in 6 weeks, six weeks? Maybe it wasn't an urgent situation to them, but to me, I thought the entire world should stop. Hello? Does anyone care that there is a growing human inside of me?  Eventually we warmed up to the idea and I was shocked to discover that 9 months is a myth, its actually 10 months, 40 weeks. Little did I know that my bun would cook longer and it would be 41 and a half weeks.  People said I was a cute pregnant woman but after looking at pictures I know they were lying.
My due date came and went and with a little doctor membrane stripping my labor began. We went back home to take a walk. * spoiler alert for first time mothers*
Contractions hurt like a bitch. The most excruciating pain I had ever felt. It felt like some one was giving my fallopian tubes an Indian burn.  I broke out the dumb exercise ball, tried every position and nothing worked.  We timed my contractions and went to the hospital. Once there, as I was lying in my hospital bed. I whispered to Don to come to my bedside and get close by , this is when I gave him my last words...Raise this baby, I'm not going to make it. I'm going to die.
Once the epidural was administered I was a much happier camper and much less dramatic. I'll skip all the inconsequential birth details and fast forward 22 hours later to the first moments I was a mom. It was the best and most unbelievable energetic feeling I have ever experienced. Surreal really. There he was, and in that moment I knew what it meant to give up your life for someone, I would, and just moments before, I thought I was.
We quickly discovered that we knew nothing about parenting. The first night all three of us were crying, sitting on the kitchen floor. " I just (gasp) don't (gasp) know what is (gasp) wrong (gasp) with him"! Don was at a loss too.  I would love to have known that babies have gas, but we had to figure that out on our own, and after a couple of sleepless weeks we did.
Even though its only been 8 years, I find that I have forgotten some of the little milestones. It would only be 17 months of just the 3 of us, before we added another brother, then another, then another. But what I do know, is that every morning when Parker wakes up, I'm excited to see him.  We have grown up together. I didn't realize how selfish I actually was until he came into my world.  He has my sense of humor and Don's empathy. He is refreshingly flawed. He has just the right amount of patience and forgiveness as we were broken into parenting.  He still enthusiatically hugs us in front of his friends. He told me I was the best mommy in the universe..( this was after he told me I was the worst, and that he was running away, but I will focus on the positive.)
So on Friday, we will celebrate the beginning of his life, and in a way, the beginning of mine too.

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful Noelle!! What a journey parenting is! I enjoyed reading this, thank you for sharing! Happy Birthday to Parker.